Finding One's Heart
by lisac1965
Summary: My take on Chakotay and Seven's relationship in the unaltered timeline.
1. Chapter 1

**Finding One's Heart**

_They were only holographic fantasies, Doctor; an inefficient use of my time. _

Seven's own words kept running through her mind as she stood behind the console in holo-deck two, where she had run her simulations of _Voyager_ and fantasy relationship with a holographic Chakotay. Her involvement in these simulations had distracted her from her duties, to the point which had put her crew-mates in danger. Not only that, but she had put her own self in danger as well. Her cortical node had been designed to 'deactivate' her if she experienced high levels of emotional stimulation. The Doctor had said he would be able to fix the problem, but Seven decided not to have the mechanism removed. She needed to remain focused on her responsibilities. The, 'fail-safe device-' as they had called it- would insure that. And what was the point anyway? Chakotay would never reciprocate her feelings. Sure, he'd invited her to accompany him for Neelix's cooking class, but only to encourage her to socialize with the crew. He would've done the same for anyone.

Seven inhaled deeply as she looked around the large, empty room. The temptation to run her simulation again was palpable. She did want to experience those emotions again, but she now regarded them as dangerous and distracting. She knew what she had to do. The fail-safe was only part of the solution.

"Computer, access all files under Seven of Nine, alpha," she ordered, her voice wavering despite her resolve.

"_Files accessed_," the computer announced. Seven tried to swallow the lump she could feel forming in her throat, trying desperately to keep her emotions under control. Once she gave the order, it would all be over. No more experiences of humanity, nor romantic innuendo with the Chakotay hologram. And the real world was simply too cruel and complex to enjoy these same experiences- for her, at least.

With a determined intake of breath, she forced out the command, "Delete files."

For several seconds after the computer had announced, "_Files deleted_," Seven stood there, frozen and numb. It was over. The reality of it was sinking in. From here on, it would just be business as usual. The Borg do not monopolize their time with pursuits of pleasure. She had done the right thing.

"Ah, there you are," a familiar voice chimed, interrupting her thoughts.

"Doctor," she addressed as she tuned to face him.

"Everyone was hoping you would attend Mr. Neelix's cooking lesson, but, of course, you decided to avoid enjoying the company of your friends like the Tarkalean flue!" the Doctor admonished in paternal disapproval. "More, 'research,' I assume?"

"What I do with my personal time is none of your concern," Seven retorted, defensively.

"It is if it compromises your growth as an individual," the Doctor reasoned. "I was assigned to help you with your social development, so, it is my job to see to it that you exercise every opportunity to grow as an individual. But, instead, you keep ducking every time you're faced with a challenge that doesn't involve scans, circuits or hostile aliens."

"I suppose you are referring to my fail-safe, Doctor?" Seven asked, hotly.

Not wanting to exasperate her any further, the Doctor gave himself a moment to calm down before continuing. "I'm worried about you, Seven," he admitted.

"Your concern is unfounded," she said, tersely.

"Is it?," he retorted. "You're forever denying yourself in the name of efficiency; you refuse to allow me to remove a potentially life-threatening device from your cortical implants; and, you refuse to even admit you have feelings for a prominent member of this crew."

"I have no such feelings, Doctor," Seven stated, defensively. "I only chose him for my simulations because..." She paused briefly in search of how to explain her actions. "He's a respected leader, just as Axum was."

"You could have just as easily recreated Unimatrix Zero," the Doctor said, pointedly. "Instead, you created a _Voyager_ simulation and a relationship with the Commander..."

"I didn't want to recreate Unimatrix Zero," she admitted, "just the emotions I experienced there. Now, if you will excuse me, I must regenerate," she concluded before striding past him toward the exit.

"Still," the Doctor persisted as he turned to Seven, stopping her in her tracks, "you could have chosen any member of the crew as your romantic interest. You wouldn't have chosen the Commander had you not considered..."

"As I recall, Doctor," Seven cut in as she turned to face him, clearly agitated, "last time you encouraged me to peruse a relationship with someone, I ended up losing him," she painfully recalled, referring to Axum, with whom she had had a six year relationship in Unimatrix Zero; a virtual construct she and several other drones had visited while she was still part of the collective. She was later forced to destroy it to protect her friends there from the Borg Queen, separating her and Axum forever.

The Doctor regarded her with sympathy. "I can understand why you would be reluctant to risk that again," he said, dropping the matter.

Seven gave him a curt nod. "Good night, Doctor," she said before turning to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

"It is a four day conference," Seven informed the Captain in her ready-room as she handed her a P.A.D.D. containing details of the warp field dynamics conference on Ledos. "It is my understanding, however, that _Voyager_ is scheduled for departure once Lieutenant Paris returns from his survey mission..."

"Actually," Janeway cut in, "the Ledosian ambassador invited us to stick around for a few days. Commander Chakotay and I were just discussing the possibility of having the crew take shore-leave while we're here, so, it shouldn't be a problem."

Seven exhaled in relief. "Thank you, Captain," she replied, gratefully. Seven was always eager to learn new ways of making her work more efficient.

"However," Janeway added, "since I already have one crew member out and about on his own, I would feel better if someone went with you."

It wasn't what Seven wanted to hear. She disliked being in situations where she felt obliged to engage in idle conversation with anyone, especially while confined on board a shuttle. "I would not want to interfere with anyone's plans while on shore-leave, Captain," she said, hoping it would persuade her to let her go on her own.

"Actually," Chakotay, who had been standing at his place next to the Captain's desk, chimed in. "I haven't made any plans." He looked at Seven with a warm smile. "I'll be happy to join you."

Seven felt the heat rush to her face. Was he serious? She had already felt self-conscious enough about the simulations she had run two months before. Working with him every day was one thing, but, having him attend this conference with her? She wasn't even sure how to behave around him outside her usual routine anymore.

"Well, then, it's settled," the Captain confirmed before Seven could speak a word in protest. "You two go and have fun," she said to dismiss them as she rose to replicate another cup of black coffee.

_Fun_, unfortunately, was the last thing on Seven's mind.

* * *

><p>Seven's back and hips ached as she awoke on a thin woven mat on the hard dirt floor of a cave, feeling quite tired from lack of sleep. She and Chakotay never made it to the conference. Their small shuttle had scraped an undetectable barrier which protected this habitat, in which dwelt mute and primitive humanoids. She and the Commander were forced to penetrate the barrier and crash-land here, injuring Chakotay in the process. These aliens seemed friendly, and they did treat Chakotay's injury. But, there was still the Prime Directive to consider. Lados, for the most part, was a technologically advanced world, and yet the inhabitants of this settlement had clearly never been exposed to technology before. Seven understood the possible consequences of primitive lifeforms using technology without understanding it. The sooner she, Chakotay and all their shuttle debris were removed from this habitat, the better.<p>

The area was very much like Earth, thick with brush and trees and canopied by an azure sky. It was this 'natural beauty' that had prompted Chakotay to alter course for a scenic route. Despite their predicament, Chakotay seemed pleased with the area in which they had landed, saying he couldn't think of a nicer place to be stranded in. Seven still resented him for getting them stuck here, but that was irrelevant now. She and the Commander needed a plan to get themselves back to _Voyager _before exposing their technology to these people any further.

Achingly, she stood and stretched before slinging the strap of her supply tote across her shoulder. The night before, Seven encountered an adolescent female who seemed quite fascinated with her Borg implants, which Seven found annoying. As she looked around the cave, she was relieved not to see her. As her eyes fell upon the spot where Chakotay had slept, she saw that he, too, was absent. He'd gotten up already- bad leg and all. Seven hadn't yet had the chance to show him the component she had found the day before. If she could get to the shuttle's deflector, she could wire the component to it to try and contact _Voyager_.

Once she exited the cave, she saw Chakotay sitting on the ground, trying to communicate with the man crouched in front of him, and the girl, whom Seven had been avoiding, right next to the man. Chakotay had drawn a map in the dirt and was trying to get a fix on their location. The man then pointed to Chakotay's pip before showing him a bauble of his own. Chakotay understood perfectly- the man wanted to trade.

The Commander was certainly in his element. He had wanted to be a paleontologist since childhood, as Seven remembered him telling her on an away mission the year before. She'd always had difficulty understanding why Chakotay found such primitive lifeforms so fascinating, especially since the Borg would always ignored pre-warp races, since they had nothing that would, 'add to their perfection,' as they put it.

The trill of birds permeated the habitat, and the air was clean and fragrant. Under normal circumstances, this would have been an ideal campsite. Yet, Seven could only concern herself with the task at hand. With the component tucked safely inside her tote, she approached Chakotay, as the other man left with the pip, to tell him her plan of escape.

* * *

><p>As Seven's hand rested on the woven, beaded blanket, folded and draped over her console in cargo bay two, she pondered over the things she had learned about the people that lived in the shielded Ledosian habitat during her and Chakotay's short time there: They were called the Ventu. They were intelligent and resourceful. Their way of life was peaceful and serene; harmonious, yet with their distinct personalities intact. And, when she had finally managed to neutralize the barrier with the shuttle's deflector, the Ledosians wasted no time in sending an expedition team to exploit these gentle, primitive people and their land for their own gain.<p>

At first, Seven had thought that exposing the Ventu to modern Ledosian culture would give them an advantage. But, after realizing that to do so would end their peaceful and unique way of life, she agreed with Chakotay to remove all the shuttle debris- and the expedition teem- so the barrier would reinitialize itself. Now, she worried that the Ledosians would use her modifications to the deflector to remove the barrier themselves. But, Chakotay reassured her that they had done the right thing.

She thought of that conversation she had with him just moments before. She had offered to give him the blanket, seeing no need of it for herself, but he suggested she keep it in case she needed it later on. The Ventu girl Seven had met was injured by the tetrion beam used to neutralize the barrier. Seven nursed her back to health, and she gave her the blanket as a token of thanks.

Perhaps, Chakotay was right to have her keep it after all.


	3. Chapter 3

Chakotay's body felt several kilos heavier than normal as he slowly regained consciousness. He had clearly been heavily sedated. When his strength finally returned and he was able to open his eyes, he didn't recognize at first where he was, having expected to see the bright ceiling lights of sickbay. It was dark, apparently the result of a power outage.

At his right, he could hear Harry Kim gasping in shock. "Hey, take it easy, pal," Tom Paris reassured him as he gripped his shoulder in casual restraint. "You two were out for quite a while."

"Wha... what are we doing in here?" Harry stammered, for he and Chakotay were not laying on bio-beds in _Voyager's_ sickbay, but on slabs in the morgue.

"Good question," Chakotay said as he sat up, noticing his surroundings and once again taking charge. "Report!"

"I'm not exactly sure how long you two were unconscious," Tom offered. "But, apparently, Doc was responsible."

"Yeah," Harry chimed in. "I remember, Chakotay and I were in the holo-deck, because that's where the alien transmission came from. It turned out to be a hologram, and I'm sure I saw the Doctor's program..."

"I wasn't in the holo-deck with you, Harry," Chakotay admitted.

"It seems the Doctor had been impersonating several members of the crew," Tuvok reported as he entered the morgue. "He impersonated you to fool the engineering teem to evacuate, and then activated his emergency command protocols to eject the warp core and used the _Delta Flyer_ to tow it away."

"That explains why I blacked out after discovering his program inside that hologram," Harry recalled. "He must have sedated me."

"I had the same experience when I found out the Captain was an imposter," Chakotay added.

"When I had confronted him," Tuvok continued, "he was also impersonating Lieutenant Torres."

"I thought B'elanna was acting a little strange," Tom added. "I came into engineering to take her some fried chicken I'd replicated. She addressed me formally; then, criticized me about the chicken, saying that it could give her an 'arterial occlusion;' then, she called me 'sweetheart,' which she never does; and then..." Tom stopped mid-sentence, grimacing as he cursed in disgust.

"Tom?" Chakotay addressed, curiously.

"I... I _kissed_ him!" Tom exclaimed, finally.

Tuvok quirked up an eyebrow, while Chakotay and Harry attempted to muffle their unbidden chuckles.

* * *

><p>"<em>Commander Tuvok to all hands: Commander Chakotay and Ensign Kim have been located," <em>the Vulcan announced levelly over the comm. _"I am pleased to report that they are both alive and in good health. Please, remain at your stations until ship's power is restored. That is all." _

Seven let out a sigh of relief. Her friends were safe. But, she noticed, to her dismay, that she had felt particularly anxious for Chakotay, as her heart raced at the mention of his name. It was in error! Harry was also her friend. Yet, all she could think of were all the things she had wanted to say to Chakotay, though she still insistently denied having amorous feelings for him. Seven decided to dismiss these thoughts as irrelevant and stay focused on locating the Doctor and Captain Janeway once ship's power was restored.

The moment the lights finally came back on, Seven heard through the comm. system a rendition of Strauss' _The Blue Danube- _and a very _bad _rendering at that. Curious. Who would have programed such an atrociously performed piece to play when power was restored? Seven went right to the controls to investigate and found that the piece was being aired on _all _ship's comm. frequencies.

"_Chakotay to Seven of Nine,"_ the Commander's voice haled, pulling her out of her thoughts, as well as prompting that adrenalin rush she was by now well-practiced in dismissing. _"Run an analysis on that recording. We think the Doctor may have altered it to leave a message."_

"Understood," Seven responded and quickly obeyed.

By the time Chakotay, Tuvok, Tom and Harry entered Astrometrics, Seven had completed her analysis and, sure enough, the recording had been altered. It was a warp signature. Seven quickly scanned the region, found the warp signature, and traced it to a ship. Chakotay ordered Tom and Tuvok to take a shuttle, since _Voyager_ didn't have its warp core, and the ship was too far away to get to on impulse power.

"Commander, Ensign," Seven addressed as Chakotay and Harry turned to leave. She offered a warm smile as they faced her. "I am relieved that you were both found safe," She told them. They each returned her smile, nodding in appreciation before heading once again toward the exit.

"Commander," Seven called out before she could stop herself. Chakotay turned briefly to her, then back at Harry.

"I'll see you on the bridge," Chakotay told him.

"Aye, sir," Harry acknowledged before he left, and the Commander returned to Seven's side.

"So," he began, warmly. "What can I do for you?" But, Seven had already turned back to her console.

"Forgive me, Commander," she answered, bashfully. "It is not an appropriate subject to address at this time."

"Try me," he offered, knowing she would not freely disclose any personal issues she may be dealing with. She looked at him, perplexed. So, he thought he should clarify for her. "There isn't anything more we can do until Tom and Tuvok get back here with our Captain and the Doctor. If you've got something on your mind, you can talk about it."

After a brief silence, Seven drummed up the courage to speak. "When you were missing," she began, once again facing the controls, avoiding eye contact, "it had occurred to me... that... you and I have not been sufficiently acquainted with one another. I know you've made attempts in the past, but, I had dismissed them as irrelevant." She then turned, warily, to face him. "I apologize, Commander."

Chakotay regarded her fondly, finding himself relieved that she was now ready for them to get to know each other better, though he wasn't exactly sure why. "When this crisis is over and the warp system's been repaired, we'll remedy that," he offered with a hint of a smile, which she returned.

"I would like that," she told him sincerely. He then gave her a broader, more dimpled smile before turning to leave, and, for once, Seven didn't dismiss the thrilling sensation she was now feeling.

However, the next four hours ticked by slowly as everyone waited for Tom and Tuvok to return, hopefully, with Captain Janeway and the Doctor. Eventually, ship's sensors did detect the _Delta Flyer _with all four accounted for.

"_Torres to Seven of Nine," _B'elanna haled over the comm. _"Report to holo-deck one. The Doctor's program needs to be repaired and I could use your help!"_

"On my way, Lieutenant," Seven replied before heading for the holo-deck.

* * *

><p>Lunch together in the mess-hall seemed like an appropriate first date- if she even dared to call it a date. Public, non-threatening, just the right setting for getting acquainted. Seven had looked forward to this opportunity all week, yet found her mind drifting elsewhere, which Chakotay quickly picked up on.<p>

"Seven!" Chakotay addressed for the fourth time before finally getting her attention. "I was just telling you about something funny that happened with my sister and thought I'd at least get a chuckle out of you. I had to keep repeating myself to get your attention."

She regarded him, sheepishly. "I apologize, Commander."

"Chakotay," he corrected. "You seem preoccupied. In fact," he said, leaning back in his chair and looking her in the eye, "according to the Doctor's report, you didn't show up for your maintenance exam this week. Is there something you need to talk about?"

It took a moment for Seven to nod. "Has the Captain mentioned anything about the Doctor's behavior when they returned to _Voyager_ a week ago?" she asked.

Chakotay shrugged as he leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. "Just something about a deathbed confession when he thought his program was going to decompile," he answered. "Said he once documented command decisions of her's he'd deemed questionable, but gave me no details about the rest."

Seven looked down at her hands, folded in her lap, before she continued. "The Doctor confessed... that he was... in love with me."

Chakotay's brow went straight up to his hairline. "Really?" he asked, with slightly more force than he intended. She only answered with a nod. "I take it the feeling isn't mutual." It wasn't a question really, in fact, it was quite obvious.

"Apparently, he's aware of that," she admitted. "But, I am uncertain how to proceed." She paused briefly before elaborating. "The Doctor has done a great deal for me. His assistance has been invaluable to my human development." She inhaled deeply, clearly distressed over this predicament. "I cannot pretend to have a feeling that does not exist, nor do I wish to cause him pain."

Chakotay exhaled. "Well, I can understand that," he told her. "You and the Doctor have been through a lot together." She nodded in acknowledgment before he continued. "I understand what you're going through. But, I've always found that talking it over... bringing closure to the situation, helps to make things a little easier in the long run." He leaned forward and looked her straight in the eye. "You and the Doctor could be on this ship together for a long time, and you still need to have your maintenance exams to make sure your implants continue to function properly. So, the best way to handle this is to talk it over with him."

Seven became pensive for about a minute. Chakotay sensed she was pondering his words of advice. Then, she took a deep breath and said, "Computer, locate the Doctor."

"_The Doctor is in holo-deck one,"_ the computer intoned.

Then, abruptly, she stood. "Excuse me, Commander," she said before turning to leave.

"Uh, Seven, I didn't mean..." But, before he could speak any further, she was out the door. After a moment, he literally found himself laughing. If this lunch date were with just anyone, he might have been insulted. But, this was Seven of Nine, after all. And he knew she would never hesitate to do the right thing- even if it did interfere with their date.

* * *

><p>Once Seven had entered the holo-deck, she found herself standing on a cobblestone street in the otherwise metropolitan city of Buenos Aries, Argentina in South America on Earth. Just a few meters in front of her was a colorful row of small tables, each affixed with a large parasol. Seated at one of the tables was the Doctor with none other than Captain Janeway herself, clearly engaged in lighthearted conversation.<p>

The Doctor was recalling a 'rather enlightening' conversation he'd had with a Doctor Fes A'mu at the medical symposium he and the Captain had attended prior to their abduction. Janeway seemed to find the recollection amusing as she laughed heartily.

Knowing it would be inappropriate to interrupt them, and not wanting to eavesdrop on their conversation more than she unwittingly had, Seven left them to their company. The Doctor was clearly recovering from the humiliation of his proverbial deathbed confession, and was at least socializing with the Captain.

It would keep.


End file.
